I made it home. They crossed every "t" and dotted every "i" while I anxiously answerered all their questions and they filled out all their discharge forms in double triplicate. In the end I just had to have my catheter removed -- an easy procedure really -- I mean once the sutures were removed. The first time the doc gave the short sharp pull, the sutures hadn't yet been cut. That caused us all a lot of suprise!
You should have seen the look on the nurses face! The doc had me recline my super-duper 'sit around all day and almost start to enjoy the chair' chair to its almost flat/bed like postion. He had his size six and one half cordovan penny loafer positioned on my chest just to the left (closer to himself) for maximum leverage and the three working end of the catheter -- the connection ports neatly wrapped around his perfectly manicured fingers. He said, 'Just take a deep breath and hold it. Then I will slip the end of the catheter out of the vein right next to your heart."
Unfortunately he hadn't expected that the short sharp pull and the accompanying electric bolt of pain through my chest would cause me to sit bolt upright. That movement threw him onto the lap of my nearest neighbor, a 63 year old school teacher who had until that moment been gently snoring while enjoying the marvelous anti-nausea coctail they'd given her half an hour earlier. I think she only briefly awoke, adjusted her postion and nodded back off again.
Luckily the nurse noticed the sutures and found a way to gently encourage the doc to remove them before re-trying the process. The second time, the thing slipped out before I had even fully filled my lungs.
And now here I am back at home. What a morning! I think I will go and take a nap.
Thanks to all of you who sent emails and comments after yesterday's update. I love the encouragement and witty thoughts.
Keep 'em coming!
Hey Mark:
ReplyDeleteI know i wasn't fun for you, but I laughed my ass off. You are amazing. How you can keep you sense of humor through all this is beyond me.
Glad to see you're at least strong enough to launch a doctor! I hear that's going to be a new Olympi sport in 2010, so it looks like you have a jump on things.
Hope Kermit has been keeping you entertained and that you continue to improve by the hour.
If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
I hear that doctors in England are running trials on patients with multiple myeloma using pints of Guinness -- orally of course. I think we need to do some trials of our own when you're back up and about.
Like the doctor pulling out the catheter said, "Hey, it can't hurt!"
Best regards. I'll try and write more inane ramblings soon.
By the way...you should consider capturing this blog and offering it to a publisher...it's awesome! You're a far better writer than I!
-- Rich
Well, uhm... I kind of stretched the actual happenings into a 'yarn' in this one. I had thought that the part about the Doc putting his foot on my chest would have tipped off any reader, that what followed was mularkey.
ReplyDeleteSorry to anyone who was shocked or worried. The thing came out real easy. I barely felt a thing.
- Mark